Im so Busy

I’m so busy
Busy with the world
That doesn’t give a damn
Busy with things
That I don’t really care about
I’m so busy trying to keep myself busy
You see, I have nothing else on mind
All I think about is you
All I hear is your laugh

Your laugh that seems
to fill my heart with
emotions I’m still
learning to contain

before it burst out of its cage,
I want to feel every sensation
But I can’t

Coz I’m so busy

Trying to keep myself busy ---

Hoping somehow that you’ll miss me.

(2002)

Silence

Lord, please guide me today ...

That I may think before I speak -
That I may laugh only out of joy -
That I may take criticisms productively and do my best to change -
That I may avoid to procrastinate -
That I may avoid to think of the numerous might-have-beens -
That I may find the inner peace and be happy -
That I may smile at people who try to put me down -
That I may be able to help a lost soul, a low spirit or those that
are feeling so alone just by being there, by being me -

I ask that I may find enough goodness out of life and share it with others.

Coffee

you said, ‘black, no sugar’
as I sat there wondering
was it me or your coffee?
i waited for your words
but you mocked me with your silence
with your hand on the cup
holding it dearly . . .
the way you hadn’t held me at all . . .

i tried to look you straight in the eye
but you bowed down for another sip
is it hot? did it burn?
the way your cold gaze burns a hole in me
do you want me here at all?
or should I leave . . .
. . . leave you with your coffee and
your dreams . . .
of what you want . . .
and what i’m not
. . . and what I can’t give
you’re running out of coffee . . .

good.

i better leave.


April 2001

(Arizona, illustration by david lupton)

Bleed

"teach me how to bleed..."

gunned-down, battered...
i see my lifeless image on the floor
beaten, bloodied and cold,
a stranger to who i once were before
i recognize not my face nor my hands
in the twisted silence i can hear the screams
but never really sure if that's me, if they're mine--
more than ever...

"teach me how to fear..."

hold my cold, cold hands..
feel the shiver course through your veins...
feel the dread of nothingness creep up your face
let it flow --- through your limbs, through your being
feel the dread of tomorrow never coming.

"teach me how not to feel..."

hold my hand, wake me up from oblivion...
look into the depths of my eyes
what do you see? the sunken dark clouds...
covering a much darker place
not a clue, not a hint --- just the feeling of
endless nothing....

"and i see you, and i feel you,
and i fear ever knowing your touch once more;
and then i bleed. sans blood."

07.10.2006