Five Things I Hate About This Year (Year-Ender Report)

Mga bagay na natutunan ko sa taon na to...whoah! at hindi biro kung pano ko natutunan! =P *wink*

1. Magsalita ka, noh?!!!
Ang dami ng cellphone na nagkalat. Bawat isang Pilipino meron na. Yung iba nga dalawa pa. Usung-uso ang text. Pero bakit di mo pa rin masabi yung talagang gusto mong sabihin? OO! Yung totoo. Yung walang palabok. Wala kung wala. Meron kung meron. At iwasan ang text. Napaka-impersonal. Nakaka-offend. At isa pa...malamang mali pa ang intindi nung bumabasa..kasalanan mo pa tuloy.

At sa mga taong nakikipag-break thru text...maawa po kayo sa sarili niyo. Yun lang =P

2. Right of Way
Sampu. Ten. 10. Sampung beses sa isang linggo na sumasakay ako ng MRT. Limang beses sa isang linggo ako kung umakyat sa hagdan ng Boni Station. Eto ka, siguro may walong dipa ang lapad ng hagdanan pero yung buong espasyo kinakain ng mga taong bumababa. Si Mrs Seguerra, yung titser ko nung high school -- sa kanya ko unang naintindihan ang "right of way". Pag nababanggit ang salitang disiplina, nang-gagalaiti na niyang kinukuwento kung gaano siya naiinis sa mga taong hindi marunong umintindi ng right of way. Salubungin ka ba naman na nasa dulong kanan ka na ng hangdan - tipong nakadikit ka na sa gilid ng hagdan? Mantakin mong bungguin ka pa? Haayyyy....

3. Wag Na Init Ulo, Baby!
Labin-limang minuto ang biyahe ko mula Boni Station hanggang Taft Station ng MRT. Tapos pag Martes at Huwebes naman ay 30 minuto mula Taft Avenue Station hanggang Quezon Avenue kapag pumapasok ako sa klase ko. Bale, 14 na oras kada isang buwan ang ginugugol ko sa loob ng MRT. Higit pa yun sa kalahating araw. Eh kung sasabayan mo pa yung mga maiinit ang ulo na walang ginawa kung hindi sumigaw o magparinig o magalit..eh gudlak po sa inyo. Tatanda lang kayo ng maaga. At ang mas malala..magmamatigas ang nasa harapan niyo at di kayo makakalabas ng tren pagdating sa istasyon niyo. Ang aking payo -- makiusap, makisuyo. Ang marahang pakikiusap ay nakakapang-lambot ng puso. Yun lang =D

4. Do What You Preach (or else Papa, Don't Preach) =P
Madaling magsabi kung ano dapat ang gawin. Madali ring ipaliwanag. May mga taong kailangan ng gabay sa paggawa ng mga bagay bagay. Meron din namang bigyan mo lang ng direksiyon eh kayang-kaya na ang anumang ipagawa mo. Dun sa mga naka-attend na ng "leadership trainings", alam niyo na ito. Kaya dapat alamin mo ang karakter ng mga tao mo. Di pwede yung sabi ka lang ng sabi pero wala rin namang gawa.

Nabasa ko noon (nalimutan ko na kung sino ang nagsulat), huwag mong balaking magturo kung ang sadya mo ay ipakita lang na mas magaling ka. Ang pagtuturo ay hindi tungkol sayo. Ang pagtuturo ay tungkol sa tinuturuan mo.

5. Wag Kang Makasarili, Wag Kang Madamot
Minsan may pagka ewan rin ang mga tao. Bigay mo yung kanang kamay mo, gusto pa nila pati kaliwa at dalawang paa! OO, sabi ni Lord dapat ibigay natin lahat. Alam ko naman iyon. Pero ngayon, sa eksaktong oras na 'to, tao ako. Hindi ko kayang mawalan ng parehong paa at kamay.

Kanina sampu ang nakasulat sa title ko. Kala ko kasi ganun kadami. O baka nalimutan ko lang yung kalahating lima. Hmm, sabagay ok na rin ang lima. May pag-asa pa pala. =)

I am . .

I have a new book on my bedside table. It’s about difficult conversations and how to handle them productively. I’m sure, like me, a lot of you have experienced being trapped in conversations you would rather do without or have relationships ruined because you just couldn’t quite express how you really feel. If so, then I am not at all alone. And the good thing is - it’s never too late to learn.

Well, most would simply regard any book on the topic as “self-help”. For some reason, reading such books denotes a negative connotation in our society.

“What is so wrong with you that you need a book to help you out?” And the answer for me is – it can be anything.

For people like me who were not born genius – books are our way of learning aside from interactions with people we know. Just imagine that when you’re reading a book, you are learning from and about someone you haven’t met. And he is teaching you a thing or two about his life – in the hopes of sharing something with you (aside from the most obvious economic benefits, of course).

True enough, every case is unique in some ways. But we do have a lot of common ground to work on. And in some cases, those are enough bases to learn from. And those should be enough to trigger us to analyze our own take on things and to develop our own ideas. And did I say to learn?

When it comes to situations – I rely more on the logical side of things. My own feelings for me have not really been as important as to how the situation should be solved. It’s probably the engineer in me. Everything can be thought of as a system. Therefore, like any system you have the inside and outside forces affecting your feelings or emotions. Learning about these factors presents half of the solution already. A problem identified is a problem half-solved, right? Right.

But it’s important to also understand the forces and to influence them. To do corrective approach to every problem would, of course, mean only a non-ending chase to it. So, what to do? Preventive, of course.

And that’s where “learning” comes in. If you’ve been logical all your life – what should you do to make shift? Yes, that’s right. Try the opposite. Don’t be too scared to acknowledge your emotions, your feelings. Don’t let it overpower you but don’t ignore it either. Hear yourself speak about your emotions. “I feel hurt.” “I am happy” “I am confused.” The words to use to describe how we feel are endless. We just don’t use them properly. We approach things on moral grounds – on who is bad, who is good, who was to blame or who wasn’t. And that’s not really solving the problem but pointing a finger. It is a waste of time to argue or communicate this way because everyone will feel attacked at some point and will use all defenses possible to fight back. And both just lose in the end.

Acknowledge your feelings. They are real. And when you show them, don’t think of who’s right or wrong. Just show them without having to attack the other person. Don’t say “You’ve hurt me”, rather say “what you did hurt me” or “I feel hurt when you do that”. People can change if they want to. You cannot do it for them, Let them decide if they want to. Encourage them if you have to. But don’t take it your responsibility to change them. And don’t believe you actually can, either.

“I Am Sam”, a movie starring Sean Penn and Dakota Fanning shows one of the most wonderful relationships I have ever seen depicted in a movie. It shows how to communicate our feelings. It shows how to acknowledge love and hurt and pain. It shows how we can be more than what we know and what we don’t know. It shows how compassion breaks all barriers.

Please see that movie, if you haven’t. I have seen it for countless times and I can’t help but be emotional EVERY SINGLE TIME! But it’s worth it. More than actually. My take on it – lesson 1 on communications.

http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/i/i-am-sam-script-transcript.html

Engineer's view