Balut

“Oo. Puntahan mo lang ako dun. Lagi naman ako nandun. Sa gilid ng tawiran sa Edsa-Shaw.” - Aling Binay, Balut vendor

How many times have you seen sidewalk vendors? I’ve lost count. Every sidewalk in the metro is teeming with them. They have varying age…from someone as young as five years old to others as old as sixty. And that has been their life for how long, you would ask? I don’t really want to know the answer. I’m afraid it will just bring tears to my eyes.

I used to eat balut when I was younger. It’s a eccentric Asian food – a fertilized duck egg with a nearly-developed embryo inside that is boiled and eaten in the shell (Wikipedia). I stopped eating it without even noticing. I probably just never had that chance to eat one again. But looking back, whenever I buy a balut, I never looked at the vendor or even take notice of him or her. The eagerness to hold that warm balut in my hand and the anticipation of eating it is more than enough to capture me at that moment. Everything else disappears, or at least is immaterial.

But last week, my eyes, my ears and my heart showed me more than I was able to see back then. And it struck me, and it made me feel uneasy and it showed me a bigger world than the one I am living in.

How many stories have we seen in the movies focusing on the poor, on their struggles, on their daily battles? There are numerous. There are many that at some point they become unreal. They become just plots in the movie, of a book, of a play. What I was able to witness that one Saturday afternoon is one that I’ve heard of, read of and seen of a lot of times in books, movies and commentaries. But they never really struck me as REAL. They are after all just secondhand information. They are after all, so far from home.

But to see it firsthand, to hear it being said, to be in the same room with the person telling her story – that’s a different thing altogether. Goosebumps, sullen faces, teary eyes, words uttered sans emotions – these things will bring you to a different kind of reality. It brought me there. Her story was no different from those I’ve heard of. In fact, hers was very familiar. From the province, her family tried their luck in the city, lived in the slum areas which were later on demolished. She literally lost her daughter. She never laid eyes on her again since the demolition incident. She heard she got married – at 13. She heard she changed her name, that her husband changed her. “She’s prettier now, is what I heard. I also heard she’s going to Japan”, says Aling Binay.

Will she see her again? Will she be able to embrace her again? She really doesn’t know. She hears about her from acquaintances and friends and relatives, and that’s enough to keep her going in life – to know that her daughter is doing okay. But exactly “how” okay – I have a feeling she’d rather not know.

Reality can be daunting if you stay too close to it. Sometimes we’re looking but we’re not really seeing it for what it is.

So how did my afternoon end? She left the UHF office and was told by one of the staff to visit her younger son this Christmas at the Fabella Center in Mandaluyong. That’s another story, I’m afraid. But for Aling Binay, that was one very happy day because at least she knows where her son is. And she knows he is “doing okay”.

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“Keep swimming, keep swimming” - Dory (Finding Nemo)

Russian Dolls

For some people, going to movies alone is just plain pitiful and lonely. For me, it’s the best time to be by myself. And of course, to enjoy a possibly good movie.

I remember three films I watched alone inside a cinema: Someone Like You (with Hugh Jackman and Ashley Judd), Something’s Gotta Give (with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton, and lastly, Russian Dolls (a French Film with Romain Duris and Audrey Tatou).

Someone Like You. The theory about cows. A mad one =P hehehe. Its about how men can’t be monogamous and how they’ve been compared to cows! Cows, apparently, leave a scent when they mate with female cows. And male cows have these uncontrollable urge and downright crazy need to spread their “scent” to the “cow-dom”. Totally hilarious! And what happens then to the female cows, you ask?! They are stuck with the male scent for the rest of their lives. And what makes matters even worse is that other male cows won’t dare get near them because they carry the scent of another male. Talk about double standards!!! Argh!!!

Okay, okay. NOT fair to compare cows with human. And yet, you have to admit that the idea is funny (well, for the female part of the population at least hehehe). I had a blast watching this film. If something can make you laugh THAT hard, its definitely a gem.

Site: http://www.someonelikeyoumovie.com/

Something’s Gotta Give. This is about an independent, fulfilled and SINGLE career woman in her later years. A playwright and a good one at that. What surprised me in this film is one’s ability to see through the excesses of life – to see beyond one’s work, one’s success or achievements – and just recognize the beautiful person behind all that.

Remember, a person who loves you will let you grow as your own person, will let you do the things you love, will cheer you on with your successes, and will never ever hold you back. A person who loves you feels fulfilled enough knowing that you are happy.

Another thing… the only black stone amongst the pile of white ones: if one notices the small details, that proves that he/she truly cares for you. To remember and to cherish those little details that makes a person who they are – that for me is seeing someone literally “through the eyes of love”. =)

Site: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/somethingsgottagive/site/

And lastly, Russian Dolls. A French film , I saw this one during the Cine Europa film festival. This is actually a sequel to L'Auberge Espagnole (which was also shown in Cine Europa a few years back.). When I entered the cinema, I hardly recognized the characters. Only when they referred to that apartment in Barcelona did I remember seeing the first movie. It is great to find yourself reconnected with the past. It brings back memories that are meant to be cherished. And it reminds you of the person you were at that time – and how different from that you are now.

Going back to the film, Russian dolls are dolls that when you crack open, you’ll find another similar doll inside, only smaller. Sometimes called nesting dolls, Russian dolls have been used as a metaphor for a lot of things – a story within a story for literature, a system within a system for the sciences and engineering, etc.

Meeting someone, and liking that someone, you see one big Russian doll. Of course, all people have their past to deal with, their frustrations, their fears, and their dreams. And to know someone really well would require you to really try hard --- to find and unlock the inner dolls. And sometimes, when we fail to recognize that we’re down to the last doll – that’s where we fail to see the reality of things. And we turn our eyes to other dolls, just to look for and find out whatever there is to find out. We are searching yet keeping a blind eye to everything. EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS NOT ENOUGH. Man kills the very thing he desires. We want something so bad that we make up all these stories and expectations and ideas in our heads. And when we finally get that one great thing that we wanted – it all falls apart. That thing, by mere way of achieveing it, has lost its meaning.

You cannot find perfection if you don’t know how it looks like.

Site, Russian Dolls: http://www.russiandollsthemovie.com/
Site, L’Auberge Epagnole: http://movies.aol.com/movie/lauberge-espagnole/15167/synopsis


Some say movies are well – practically that – just movies. But I find them enriching – like books, like traveling and meeting new people and seeing new cultures.

There is a vast world and we as people are faced with numerous limitations that keep us from knowing the world – from experiencing it. A film, for me, is more than a vacation package. It brings me to different places, it introduces me to different people and it tells me that DESPITE the differences in cultures, languages, habits, and even perspectives – there are still a lot of common grounds – love, friendship, family, dreams, hurts, trials – we ALL go through that. And hopefully we learn. And hopefully we can share. Because the act of sharing alone and finding out that somewhere in the planet there are people who knows how it feels --- that brings a sense of belongingness we all crave for naturally.

On Success and Failure

How many quotations have you heard about success? About failure?

I bet hundreds. There are so many out there you wonder how do we come up with so many ways to communicate the fundamental truths? Failure is what defines success. Its like knowing that there is a white so you can call the opposite the black. Pretty simple, right?

Well, that's just it. I swear I've known this since as far as I can remember. But I can't figure out why I still get surprised at times. The act of failing or losing is not “failure” in itself. It is the “not getting up” after the failure which makes US a FAILURE.

Success and failure are two inseparable things. One can't happen without the other. One can't exist without the other. And its so wrong to say we should be afraid of making mistakes. That would mean we are afraid of eventually succeeding.

Success and failure have been so thought-provoking that even Harvard has come up with its own study on this matter (check out http://bsc.harvard.edu/SuccessFailure/ to know more).

I have my own thoughts on this. But I'll try to gather it for some time, muse over it, and well, present my unsolicited opinion later on (hehehe). But for now, I'll invite you to read about it. Maybe you can share some of your thoughts here? Don't hesitate. I welcome your opinions.

Ciao for now!

my trip back . . .

This is the sad truth about life..."nothing is ever what it seems". People change too quickly, people change to slow. And you feel either like a trainwreck or a lonely hitchhiker with a sore thumb. I'm done asking questions. If there was one thing it taught me, my instinct is my bestfriend. It taught me that keeping my ideals is still the best shot through all these. And that I should never apologize for keeping it real...to continue to wear my heart on my sleeve (now that's a funny thought).

Let's face it. Life is full of disappointments. Its never-ending. Yet there are enough ups to make us strong for the downs. And like my good friend puts it, what differentiates those who still are ok from those who've totally lost their sense of direction, is the fact that you try to live through it...to keep standing still.

This one's the funniest. "Karma will come", said Nina (yes, the soul siren whoa!), and after laughing for quite a while after learning that..I couldn't help but smile. Experience IS the greatest teacher. Don't get me wrong. I'm not after getting even. I just believe that one thing I learned from Atticus Finch. You'll never know how it feels for other people until you've walked around in their shoes. It is best if we can learn to compromise...to extend a little bit of understanding. If not, then that's our loss.

We may feel like we've been a victim of something so wrong and yet there is really no greater way to go about it than moving on and showing the world that we are better people for it. Call it cosmic..or even godly, but things happen and there's no explanation..no justification...but lessons to learn.

"We get what we want, when we can..while we can." I forgot who said that one. But hey, i'm not complaining. Sometimes you surprise your own self when you learn that you can take things you never taught you could..never even imagined you could. And it doesn't make you any lesser. It only redefines your boundaries. With a little faith, you'll live ok.

Watch out. Feel. Think. Never ever hold back. Learn. And love...because no matter how cheesy it may seem to other people...LOVE is everywhere...from tears, to angry words, to stolen kisses to lasting embraces...to everything. And I'll live my life knowing I've loved, and I've been hurt and I'll continue to love till I find the one who can love me right back. And who can wake up each morning with me and decide to stay in love with me every single morning of our lives.

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"What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do - especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road."
-- William Least Heat Moon.

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One's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things. - Henry Miller.